The Molested Woman Explained
Healing The Wounds
Oh, the Bride of Christ…How I travail for you over and over again! The story I am about to tell is real, ultimately leading to one of my most disturbing poems to date, The Molested Woman. I was in college at the time, and thanks to my church, I had been introduced to the idea that if you take time to listen, God will speak to you. Needless to say, I was all in. One day as I was talking with God, He revealed to me that the associate pastor of my campus church was meant to reap a mighty harvest on our campus. This confused me because the head pastor was completely focused on evangelism. Twenty-five years later, the sound of his catchphrase (spoken with incredible gusto) still resounds in my mind: “I WANT SOULS!!!!” So how could it be that this was actually the calling of the associate pastor? God then showed me that the head pastor was meant to focus on shepherding the existing flock, and He told me that I needed to go share this truth with my pastor.
Quaking in my proverbial boots, I obediently went. (My pastor could be quite intimidating.) And sure enough, he was not happy with this word! But once I shared what God had given to me, I got to be an observer. I watched as the man raised objection after vehement objection. But each time, before a word could hit his lips, God would intervene and speak truth to his soul. Eventually he looked at me and said, “I know that what you are telling me is true.” Wow! Look at God go! However, while the victory was so very sweet, it unfortunately did not last. Ultimately, this same man rejected the word from God. He even called it out in a sermon and declared that he would not live by it. How I grieved.
A short time after that, God spoke to me again. And boy, did He ever surprise me: “There is a spirit of molestation in your church…and you need to go tell your pastor.” I was in shock and disbelief: “Certainly not, God! How can that be???” And then He showed me. The church was filled with young, vulnerable believers whose hunger for discipleship was as true and real as a newborn baby’s cry for mother’s milk. But in the very places they were needing to be taken care of, they were being coerced to do everything possible to fill the ravenous call for souls. Even though I wished the word God had given me wasn’t so harsh, I obeyed and shared it with my pastor. After taking a short time to think about it, he rejected the word, telling me that it didn’t make him feel good.
And then things continued down an even crazier trail. The pastor (and therefore the church) became obsessed with deliverance ministry, and everyone was regularly exorcising demons out of one another. By this time, I had left. But all of my friends, my roommates, basically everyone I knew was speaking to demons: “Who’s above you? Who’s below you?” Sometimes this would happen right in my own home, and I can tell you that it was quite the carnival! (On a side note, I learned a lot about actual spiritual warfare having to deal with the aftermath of it all. Please feel free to read Ephesians 6, Part 1.) This was such a devastating time for me. Everyone I cared for was caught up in this scary deception. And it was in this place that I found myself in prayer, and the poem The Molested Woman was born.
I am always aware of my partnership with God when I write a poem, but this one was at a whole other level. He gave me the words. Honestly, I was more of a scribe than anything, often confused by what He was saying. All the events that I just laid out for you here (along with the million and one nuances that went along with them) were a hodgepodge of messy confusion to my much younger self. I was a drowning child, completely unable to put the pieces together. It would be more than a decade later that I could see that this poem about a molested woman has everything to do with all of those young, hungry souls, as well as every soul wounded by their spiritual family.
And here’s the crux, we all have been wounded…from layperson to pastor. I think most of us are sincerely trying to do our best. I know my campus pastor was! (And God still partnered with him for MUCH good!) But we have an overarching church culture that tends to put the focus on the doing versus the being, on the mission versus the one true calling: to be His. The ways of the world scream at us to do, to accomplish, even and perhaps especially in our faith. But such efforts are still grounded in the fruit of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. We must succeed. We must figure all things out. We must fulfill His great commission. We must pray. We must read our Bibles. We must fight for righteous politics. We must convince others of the right path. And all the while, God says: “BE still and KNOW that I am God.”¹ He also says, “He who thinks he knows something does not yet know it as he ought, but he who loves God is known by God.”² Rest. Be. Trust. Let. God. Love. You.
I think perhaps we go to the doing and the needing to know all things because it actually feels more solid and definitely more quantifiable than the being. We can point to our accomplishments as a résumé to prove our worth to both ourselves and others. How ironic when all God wants to do is tell you how wonderful you are, how valued you are, how His heart skips beats for you. Oh, please be careful of the quick agreement to platitudes. The church is filled with those who happily agree to this truth while either carrying gigantic yolks of doing or embracing a safer, less intense version of faith. And both are missing almost all of what God actually has set aside for them.
But how to do more than simply agree? How do you make such a shift, especially when often the church culture around us still mimics the ways of the world, demanding us to prove our worth? It is beyond our reach. It is beyond our scope…And that is the point! That is why Jesus came. This is applying salvation to our lives at its very core. Jesus died to restore us to God. Accepting what He did is just the first step. We are to partner with God to work this truth of our complete dependency ever-deeper into our beings. We were helpless, but Jesus. We are still helpless, but Jesus! Every day we come to purchase food and drink without paying. Every day the manna is new. This is not just a call to set aside dedicated time with God (although I am all for that). This is a call to perpetually accept your brokenness, to no longer live out of your own hubris. I am not sustained by myself. I am upheld daily, every moment by His Love. His ways are so much greater than mine that even the things I know are so fractured and fragmented. His plans for any day are always beyond what I can anticipate and maneuver. His passionate desire to mold me means that I am always having to surrender everything I know and think and want back to Him.
Do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink. For God will take care of you. Do not worry about your ministry, your impact. For just by being the right person, you will be powerful. If the light shines brightly, genuinely within you, will you not shine forth to others? Will not your very garments heal? And yet Jesus warns us not to find our joy in our impact, but rather in our salvation.³ Because this salvation is everything! This relationship with God (ever-more restored) is the most magical, surreal, fulfilling treasure. And this is no meaningless motto or even some far-off hope for after death. This is the wild ride He wants to take each one of us on. And the first and continual step is laying at His feet. You are My King. I am yours to mold and do with at Your great pleasure.
For many, the greatest day of their lives was when they asked Jesus into their hearts. As members of Heaven, we rejoiced with you. Now, so far into your journey (perhaps and probably most definitely having been hurt or misguided by your spiritual family), are you in need of another radical shift? That first prayer was meant to be just the beginning of many radical steps. I invite you today to take another and another and another. Yes, the things of this world (and even this church) can still wound you, but the love and intention of God will make you glorious! And if you let Him, God will use all of your wounds to ultimately draw you closer and closer to Him, until your heart beats as one with the Maker of the very universe. Want to move forward? Want more than what you currently see around you? Salvation began and always continues with a prayer, a surrender, and a trust that God moves on your behalf beyond your wildest expectations. All you have to do is ask and choose to trust Him. And even if you can’t muster up the feeling of trust, choose trust anyways. It changes everything!
1: Psalm 46:10
2: 1 Corinthians 8:2
3: Luke 10:19-20
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